The Spurious Plum

The Temp

After the girl in the next cube quit, they hired The Temp. Generally, I don't consider myself a catty person, and I'm not proud to follow in the footsteps of my bitchy office predecessors in talking trash about temps, but The Temp annoys/freaks me out for several reasons:

1.) She won't shut the hell up.
2.) She's not doing any work.
3.) When we had a goodbye party for the girl who quit, The Temp ate 3/4 of our pizza. Total. We had like 9 pizzas.
4.) The Temp often looks at me and my lunch with a combination of jealousy and bloodlust. Like she'd love to slit my throat and hide my bones under the copier. You know nobody fucking cleans under there.

Example of Reason #4. Bear in mind that The Temp had eaten lunch and consumed all nearby office snackables.

The Temp: (smelling my lunch in the next cubicle) Are you eating?

Me: (being monosyllabic since she won't shut the hell up- see Reason #1 above) Yes.

Temp: What are you eating?

Me: Lunch. (Look how concise I can be!)

Temp: (screaming) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EATING FOR LUNCH!!!!!!!!!

Me: AHHHHHHH!!!! ARBYS! ARBYS! DAMN!

The Temp strolls into my cubicle and looks at me and my food thusly:


Hungry eyes...I feel the magic between you and I...


God, I thought I'd be devoured right there.
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Random Fruit Facts: The Pomegranate

"The pomegranate is native from Iran to the Himalayas in northern India and was cultivated and naturalized over the whole Mediterranean region since ancient times. ."

Learn more about pomegranates (which taste like a red, juicy version of heaven) here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 1/29/2005 04:54:00 PM