Friday, May 27, 2005

Punching Mapquest in the Nizzies

I swear to God, if Mapquest was a person I’d punch him in the fucking nuts.

When Mateo decided to stay in LA for his interview, his subsequent flight changes were going to cost us $400.00. Boo. Luckily, we found a one-way flight from LA to Washington-Dulles for $100.00. Yay. We figured we’d still save some money if he flew into Dulles (3 1/2 hours away from Pittsburgh), and I’d pick him up. I’d never been to Washington DC before, so like a fool, I consulted Mr. Mapquest before my journey.

Which is how I wound up in the back hills of Ol’ Virginny, swearing to GOD that I could hear the banjos from Deliverance.

This isn’t the first time Mr. Mapquest has led me down the primrose path. As you type in your requests, a sensor determines whether you WANT or NEED to get someplace. If you NEED to be someplace, Mapquest takes extra care to get you as far away from that place as possible.

On this occasion, I NEEDed to get Mateo. This was NECESSARY. He can’t live at the airport for more than a few days, no matter what Tom Hanks did in that Terminal movie (did anyone actually watch that?).

I won’t bore you with the details of why Mapquest was wrong and deserves to have its kneecaps shot off, suffice it to say, everything eventually worked out (I called Papa Spurious for new directions from Clusterfuckberg to the airport), and Mateo was safely retrieved.

As I grumbled to Mateo about Mapquest’s shoddy treatment, he suggested, “We should totally get a Mapquest shirt made, and have someone wear it while you kick their ass.”

Ah, husband. I’ve missed you so.
Random Fruit Fact: The Snozzberry

For Echrai, who believes that lilly pillies should taste like these.

Willy Wonka: “…The snozzberries taste like snozberries…”
Veruca Salt: “Snozzberries??? Who ever heard of a snozzberry???”

Get a snozzberry shirt, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 5/27/2005 08:38:00 AM


  1. Blogger Southern Fried Girl posted at 8:44 AM  
    Mapquest is invented by that same fuckwad who invented panty hose and other shit that annoys me.
  2. Blogger Susie posted at 9:13 AM  
    Oh, Plum, your anniversary post made me cry. HAPPY to you both, and God bless you and make you lucky for a zillion more years.

    Mapquest makes me cry, too. It's just wrong. And that whole Dulles area is a mess, anyway. Glad you're safely back in each other's snuggles.
  3. Blogger Squirl posted at 9:24 AM  
    Mapquest sucks. It does work sometimes, but sometimes isn't good enough. I hate getting lost.

    One time I used Mapquest to pinpoint a spot in an area with which I was somewhat familiar. Had I followed Mapquest's directions I would have ended up in a bayou!
  4. Blogger Crankenpants posted at 9:29 AM  
    I've heard Mapquest was/is invented/used by cab companies. I agree it's dumb.

    My husband makes me hold the laptop connected to the GPS whenever we go somewhere so we don't deal with it much.
  5. Blogger Kitsune posted at 9:35 AM  
    Ahahaha! You expected the roads near Dulles to make sence???? DC in general has probably the worst road planning in all of the US. Though, it is a cheaper airport...
  6. Blogger echrai posted at 11:46 AM  
    Oh yeah, and YAY snozzberries! On the MUD I work on, I made snozzberry jello to fling at the poor little players. :)
  7. Blogger Aurora posted at 10:13 AM  
    mspquest is a bitch, according to it where i live doesn't evil.
  8. Blogger Random and Odd posted at 11:14 AM  
    Mapquest also doesn't have the "This road here hasn't really been finished so take THIS road" notice on there either.

  9. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 1:09 PM  
    I depend on Yahoo! maps...and Terminal wasn't bad. But you know how to solve this problem? Just move back to California! Hooray LAX! Snozzberries ROCK!
  10. Blogger laurenbove posted at 8:58 PM  
    Now: DOn't forget Google and now they have this groovy satellite map tool. If you're looking for frustration...check out any directions into boston! Ha...have fun and be prepared for rips in the time/space continuum.
  11. Blogger marybishop posted at 9:27 PM  
    I'm thumbs down on might get there using their directions or you might end up in some really scary place I say it's about 50/50, as echrai said, using mapquest as part of a three prong attack on finding where you want to go, it might offer up some help...or it might not. That's mapquest for you...(glad you're together again safe and sound...)
  12. Blogger Spurious Plum posted at 10:41 PM  
    SFG- I bet Mr. Mapquest/Pantyhose Guy invented dress codes and thong underpants too. Oh, aqnd getting poo on your shoe, too. Fucker.

    Susie- Oh no, I don't want to make you cry! I'll try not to indulge in the supercheese too often, it's powerful stuff (thanks for the snuggly wishes though!).

    Squirl- Hey! There's a freaking BAYOU on the map, but they can't give Airea a break? What's the dilliyo?

    Crankenpants- Yeah, my husband always wants me to hold his GPS in my lap, too. Men...sheesh! Thanks for visiting!

    Kitsune- I never expect airports to make sense. Plus, any town with all the exits on the LEFT side of the freeway can't be trusted...

    Echrai and Mary Bishop- Your Three-prong attack suggestions for directions is duly noted. How lucky am I to have super smart commenters? How does one make snozzberry jello????

    Airea- You TOTALLY exist! People who don't exist don't type. Nor do they have a firefighting history. Fight for your existence, sister!

    Kristine- Many's the time I've run into a 'this road doesn't exist yet' situation...Ah, Mapquest.. always thinking ahead...

    Anonymous- Yeah! Hooray LAX! (There's somethign I never thought I'd say...)

    Laurenbove- That supersmartness goes for you and your Google sattelite knowledge too, lady! Thanks!
  13. Blogger Torrie posted at 10:33 PM  
    God, I hate Mapquest.

    I'm so fucking angry.
  14. Blogger uglyagnes posted at 2:34 PM  
    I like


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