Friday, July 22, 2005

Procrastination - OR - Why I Was Almost Distracted By Shiny Stuff On The Way To This Post

Everyone procrastinates. Some of us are just way, waaaaaaay more talented at it than others. And while I’m not a professional procrastination machine (except when I’m at work, then I’m the Shaquille O’Neal of procrastination), I still like to think I’m pretty talented. For example, in preparing to write a post about procrastination, I had to stave off some ACTUAL procrastination just to get it done. Yep. I keep it real for you guys.

One of procrastination's joys is its ability to insidiously creep into strange areas of your life. For instance, if I see something interesting in a magazine, I'll fold the page so I can get back to it later. Do I ever get back to it? NO. I wind up investigating the folds when I’m ready to move and can’t bring myself to pack 3 boxes of magafuckingzines.

Which is why I’m currently surrounded by a metric assload of random publications, each with tiny folds marking pages containing...something. As an equal opportunity folder, I usually can’t even figure out why I folded the page in the first place. Meaning, I may have folded the page for any of the following reasons:

A.) I liked a cute silver jacket that I’ll be able to wear when I lose 900 pounds or revert to my original embryonic state.

B.) I couldn’t believe that Burberry made flowered bicycle shorts.

C.) I liked a CD review and wanted to hear it on Amazon before I ordered it from the library. (If I don’t check them out, they will suck ass and not sound anything like their description, and embarrass me in front of Mateo, whom I’m still desperately trying to trick into thinking I’m cool).

D.) I wanted to clip some smartypants article and send it to someone. Who? Beats me.

E.) I bought the magazine in the supermarket and decided I’d rather stare wistfully at the Crème de Mer bottle in the privacy of my own home, where I can weep and no one will see my mascara run.

In addition to being such an accomplished procrastination artiste, did I mention I have a bad memory as well? Cause I do. I’ll tell you about it later, I swear.
Random Fruit Fact: The Silver Maple

If I can’t get a silver jacket, maybe I can get a silver tree…

“Fruits…hang in clusters from Silver Maple in spring. Each fruit is composed of a thick anchoring seed attached to an elongated, wide wing that may be straight or curved. In springs that do not have many frosts, heavy fruit litter may result from some trees.”

Screw that. Nobody likes a tree that litters. Learn more about the silver maple's filthy habits, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 7/22/2005 06:47:00 PM


  1. Blogger Candace posted at 7:01 PM  
    I am the same damned way. I've taken to ripping out the pages I like and then actually writing a note on a post-it so I don't forget why I ripped it out in the first place.
  2. Blogger Christopher Trottier posted at 8:23 PM  
    If you are the Shaquille O'Neal of procrastination, I'm the Wayne Gretzky of procrastination. I take procrastination to creative heights.
  3. Blogger mrtl posted at 11:57 PM  
    I'm in that club, too. For a psych class in college, I wrote a paper on my procrastination. The night before it was due. And got an A. Can you say "positive reinforcement is not necessarily a good thing"?
  4. Blogger Kitty posted at 5:30 AM  
    I would comment but that would defeat the whole purpose of my laughter. I am the Betty Crocker of procrastination - I like to cook it up and never dish it out. It's kind of a mantra of mine. Shiney object, brb.
  5. Blogger Squirl posted at 6:34 AM  
    I am such a procrastinator, too. Really bad. But I also looked at your fruit post. We used to have a silver maple. That thing cost us a small fortune to have the front yard dug up and the sewer pipes replaced as the roots had infiltrated so badly that toilet flushing was impossible! We got to a point in that situation where procrastination was no longer an option.
  6. Anonymous lawbrat posted at 10:29 AM  
    Procrastinator? not me. I have laundry done on a daily basis, house spotless for any univited/unknown guests, always look my best with clothing and make-up...dont forget the shoes, never a hair out of place, nails and toenails always nicely manicured, ready at a moments notice.

    HaHaHaHaHa. Yeah right. In dreamland thats me. Otherwise...well, you read my site, you know. :-)
  7. Blogger Nilbo posted at 7:48 AM  
    You are all pikers. Amateurs. Rookies. I am the Master of Procrastination.

    In fact, I was going to make this very claim yesterday, when I first read this post. But I decided to put it off.
  8. Blogger ~*ERY*~ posted at 10:22 PM  
    I'm with Nilbo. I was gonna post yesterday, then I decided it could wait. On that note, its a genetic thing. I have a graduation party going on a my house in 5 days...we started fixing up the Oh its gonna be a fun week.
  9. Blogger echrai posted at 12:27 PM  
    Procrastination is... well... let me get back to you on that later. Metric assload? Sweet. I'll look up exactly HOW much that could be when I have some time, next century. :)
  10. Blogger marybishop posted at 2:52 PM  
    Nothing wrong with's just an advance form of look before you leap!
  11. Blogger Messiah posted at 3:53 PM  
    Hey, here is my reply for you:
    i am merely a messenger without an extra power...
    i need YOUR help.
  12. Blogger Spurious Plum posted at 8:02 PM  
    Misfit- Smarty! This is why you have the big brain.

    Chris- Well, you look more like Gretsky than I look like Shaq... but I'm afraid you'll have to prove yourself, mister. Thanks for stopping by though!

    MRTL- I always wrote my papers the same way. Which is why my GPA sucked...At least you pulled it off!

    Kitty-meow-meow: Cooking is a much better metaphor for procrastination. Sports figures imply action...which...yeah, I'm not so good at.

    Squirl- My dad says he had a tree like this as a boy, and his family had to rip out the plumbing. I think the silver maple gets a solid PASS. Thanks for the heads up!

    Lawbrat- All of us are like this, don't fret! But if you need extra laundry to do, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD feel free to stop by anytime...

    Nilbo- You're the Original Gangster of Procrastination? The Snoop Dogg of Slacking? Can I have your autograph? I know, I know...later.

    ERY- Wishing you a clean house!(put things in the basement!)

    Echrai- I think a metric assload at least three feet. Shit. Is anyone here Canadian?

    Marybishop-I'm writing that case someone asks why haven't done, uh, anything. Ever. Thanks!

    Messiah- Uh. Thanks God.
  13. Blogger Ern posted at 2:24 AM  
    Dude, I know! I mean just the other day, I....woah, what's that shiny thing?...
  14. Blogger schmims posted at 8:36 AM  
    That's why I cut down my three crappy apple trees. Got tired of picking up rotten apples EVER TIME I HAD TO MOW THE LAWN.

    You're funny. Linked to you through... ??? I'm that bored at work. And it's only 9:30. It's going to be a long one.
  15. Blogger Danielle posted at 9:39 PM  
    Procrastinating is like masturbating it seems great at first but in the end you realize you're just screwing yourself.

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