Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Beep! Beep!

One of the things I've been doing during my little hiatus is recuperating from a wee bit of an injury. Nothing too serious. During a December bike ride to work, a thoughtless driver cut me off and I ran into a freeway overpass.

Not 'onto' the freeway.

Not 'towards', 'next to' or 'in the general direction of' the freeway.

Smack. Like Wile E. Coyote on the rocks of his own ineptitude.

Hey. Let's take this Wile E. Coyote metaphor and run with it. For the sake of argument, let's say I'm the Coyote, and the Bitch-Who-Probably-Runs-
Over-Babies-On-Sundays-For-Kicks is the Road Runner. To play out our drama we'll need to follow Road Runner cartoon rules. These rules are from the LooneyToons website, so they're all official and shit.

Rule 1: Road Runner cannot harm the Coyote except by going "Beep! Beep!"In the process of hitting the freeway, I got a couple of avulsion fractures (wherein ligament pulls off little hunks of bone) and did weird things to a nerve in my ankle. If the bitch in the car had gone "Beep!Beep!" I might have moved, and subsequently avoided having my ankle manhandled by my nazi of a physical therapist (a man who should be arrested by the UN for crimes against humanity).

Rule 2: No outside force can harm the Coyote -- only his own ineptitude or the failure of Acme products.
Well, you really couldn't call it my "ineptitude". Could you? I called it ineptitude earlier? Well then, yes. I guess you could.

Rule 3: The Coyote could stop anytime -- IF he was not a fanatic.
After the bitch hit me, I rode the rest of the way to work, because I didn't want to be "a wuss". And because I'm an idiot.

Rule 4: No dialogue ever, except "Beep! Beep!"
Please see rule # 1. Bitch didn't play fair.

Rule 5: Road Runner must stay on the road - for no other reason than that he's a roadrunner.
I don't think my pursuer even saw what she did to me. But I am glad she didn't go that extra mile and go off roadin' and hit the freeway with me.

Rule 6: All action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters -- the southwest American desert.

Los Angeles is the southwest. And the freeway is the natural environment of Los Angeles. Anyplace where you spend that much time is your natural environment.

Rule 7: All tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the Acme Corporation.
My bike's a Trek. But this incident wasn't the fault of my beautiful bike...So the metaphor isn't complete. You wanna start some shit?

Rule 8: Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's greatest enemy.
After rolling up a bit of a hill and smacking into the freeway overpass, I managed to remain briefly upright, and then teetered and fell down the hill into a pile of bike and embarrassment. With unparalleled grace, of course. Embarrassment is also what made me not call my doctor for 2 months. Which made her yell at me. Hooray.

Rule 9: The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures.

After the accident, a lovely gentleman pulled over and asked if there was anything he could do to help. To which I replied, "Can I please just be alone? I'm just really embarrassed right now..." Because after hurting one's self, one should always try to foil other people's attempts to be kind. I'm an idiot.

Rule 10: The audience's sympathy must remain with the Coyote.
But it shouldn't, because I'm an IDIOT.
____________________________________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Saguaro

"In the summer, coyotes eat saguaro fruit. Their scat (waste droppings) often contains large numbers of saguaro seeds that pass through the animal undigested. Some of these seeds will sprout and grow."

I'm the Coyote, but I promise I didn't crap after the accident. Learn more about the Saguaro Fruit, but not a lot, here. Or learn a lot (but it's pretty hippie), here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 4/12/2006 01:12:00 AM

11 Comments

  1. Blogger LadyBug posted at 9:43 AM  
    Geez, Plum. That sounds just awful. And painful. And...wait.

    You're not saying that you haven't crapped in the last few months, are you? Cuz, girl, that just ain't healthy! ;)

    Love and hugs to you, dear.
  2. Anonymous Daphne posted at 11:37 AM  
    Oh man. No, my sympathy is totally with you. I get tired of riding in Seattle, can't imagine the gumption it takes to commute by bike in LA!
  3. Blogger mrtl posted at 12:47 PM  
    At least you still have your sense of humor.
  4. Blogger Closet Metro posted at 8:44 PM  
    Owie.
  5. Blogger Annejelynn posted at 10:58 PM  
    I'm quite familiar with embarassing accidents - I hope to finally post my story about my recent twice-its-size-than-normal foot injury resulting from a minor motorbike accident - I'm glad to hear you FINALLY went to the doc! and definitely sorry to hear it happened at all - - also glad you're back and laughing (at least now, right?)
  6. Blogger echrai posted at 11:56 AM  
    Oh you poor thing! Yes, my sympathy is with you, after much stiffled giggling, of course. There's a special level of hell reserved for the Bush Administration and evil motorists. I have to be convinced of this or I'd fly into roadrage nearly every day on my commute. May the evil non-beeper rot there. After a timely demise, of course, I'm not THAT mean.
  7. Blogger Squirl posted at 9:19 PM  
    That driver was a jerk. What the hell was she thinking?

    So sorry you got hurt, I hope it's healing properly.
  8. Anonymous kalki posted at 10:43 PM  
    Well, at least there weren't any boulders involved. Or Acme dynamite. But still...

    Heal, you! You hear?
  9. Anonymous honestyrain posted at 9:07 AM  
    ouch. but i totally get how you were embarrassed. i was in a fairly serious car accident last december and when the accident finally stopped happening i sat in my vehicle and cried. mostly becuase i felt soooo stupid for being in an accident and didn't want to have to tell anyone. everyone at the scene thought it was because i was scared. i was, but mostly, embarrassed.
  10. Blogger Nessa posted at 1:52 PM  
    darlin! I miss you - come visit me please and remind me to come see you because I forget and I lurves you.
  11. Blogger kilowatthour posted at 8:05 PM  
    hugs!

Post a Comment

« Home