Friday, September 30, 2005

A Hurricane Of Hot Mateo - AND - The Perils of Chemistry

Got a super-duper tag by the mighty Annejelynn, whose seaweed paper I not-so-secretly covet. Yummmmmm. Seeeeeaweed.

The Rules
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

Here goes:
Mateo (avec 4 beers) - "I think I wanna write a book called The Perfect Shitstorm..."

Nicely done, Annejelynn. Thank you!
Chemistry: The Science of Sucking Ass

If someone offers you a free chemistry class (hey, someone might...), tell them to suck on your left ass cheek. Sure, you get to light things on fire and wear big honkin' goggles, but it's also, uh, HARD.

So in case some dirty chem pusher tries to step to you with free shit, here's some important rules to consider prior to accepting (remember, the first hit is always free, that's how they getcha addicted):

Rule #1 - Chemistry is math.

Rule #2 - When you light magnesium on fire it makes beautiful, white sparkly star-showers. Unfortunately it also makes the stupid bitch in the front row think her hair is on fire, and hysterical shrieking ensues. What a dumbass.

Rule #3 - If I had a pole, polyatomic ions could smoke it.

Rule #4 - Chemistry is math.

Rule #5 - This may seem obvious, but chemistry is taught by chemists. Sadistic bastards* that like playing with fire and acid. ACID. Jesus.

Rule #6 - Everyone in your chemistry class wants to be a doctor, and they're all hoity-toity about it. If you wanna be a nurse, your ticket to Ego Deflation City has been punched. Which is funny, because nurses ROCK.

Rule #7 - Rule #7 only applies if you're in real college. At community college, everyone in your class wants to be a professional fashion designer.

Rule #8 - Chemistry is MATH.

Rule #9 - All atoms wanna have 8 electrons in their outer shell. They'll do anything to get those extra electrons. Including handjobs.

Rule #10 - Burning sulphur smells like a well-used Kentucky outhouse.


Rule #12 - Ignore all these rules if you like math. If you like math, chemistry will give you multiple geekgasms.

* All chemists are sadistic bastards except for my friend K-Dawg. She's a trunk fulla sugar. That can kill you.
Random Fruit Fact: The Sharon Fruit

"It is important to remember that the entire fruit is edible - soft or firm: It is always ready to be eaten!!"

Yes. The Sharon fruit is a hussy.
Yes. There really IS a fruit called "Sharon".
No. I don't know if she's able to have multiple geekgasms.
Learn more about the Sharon fruit, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 9/30/2005 08:33:00 PM


  1. Blogger spoonleg posted at 12:27 AM  
    Nurses DO rock. Did you laugh out loud at the dumb bitch in the front row? Because I just did.

    I'm back in school now, too. No chemistry (yet) but I am taking pathophysiology which has yet to excite me (besides that one time they showed a picture of someone with Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome and I was all, HOLY SHIT, that just creeped me the fuck out). At least you get to play with dangerous substances. Lucky.
  2. Blogger Ern posted at 2:58 AM  
    Aw, Spurious. I miss your sarcasm! *soaking up plumminess*

    Remember, most of those people who want to be doctors won't get to be doctors. Then they will try to be nurses and discover that, OH, nurses work hard and have good bedside manner.

    Geekgasms! Hahahahahaha!

    Your 23rd post sentence is perfect. The essence of why I like it over here. :)
  3. Anonymous lawbrat posted at 11:23 AM  
    I was wondering...Is chemisty math?
    Nurses do rock. They do so much of the work. You are going to rock at being a nurse!
  4. Blogger kilowatthour posted at 12:09 PM  
    it's true: nurses ROCK. i could never be one, and would also never consider being hoighty-toighty about wanting to be a doctor. i think, in fact, i should have my examined. also, i'm with spoonleg-- pathophysiology is booooring.
  5. Blogger Squirl posted at 7:07 PM  
    I got two things out of that, math and hand jobs. Hmmm

    You bet nurses rock!
  6. Blogger Southern Fried Girl posted at 10:36 PM  
    All this hear learnin' is taking away from your blogging time and I just won't hear of it.
  7. Anonymous kalki posted at 8:22 AM  
    God I hate math.
  8. Blogger Jomama posted at 9:24 AM  
    I just had to go and google Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. Not a good idea, folks.

    I miss burning magnesium in chemistry class. Do you know where I can get some?
  9. Anonymous buttergun posted at 11:31 AM  
    I'm not a real nurse but I play one...well not on TV.

    Congratulations on all the cool challenges you are taking on! Life is short.
  10. Blogger Annejelynn posted at 11:50 AM  
    I don't think I've ever had a thought that combined together both "Seaweed" and "yummy" ~ would you like me to send it to you!?! I still haven't yet thrown it away...
  11. Blogger Nessa posted at 12:26 PM  
    Math Sucks. Nurses Rock. That is all.
  12. Blogger marybishop posted at 3:15 PM  
    The Sharon fruit and the thing sharing the Fruit of the Looms seem to have a lot in common.
  13. Blogger echrai posted at 3:54 PM  
    I think I just had a geekgasm.
  14. Anonymous Daphne posted at 4:23 PM  
    Great rules! Now here's the thing. I liked Chemistry almost the entire time it was math. It's where chemistry turned into physics that I freaked out. My brain was not ready for that. Now, though, that I finally understand how the seasons work, I'm ready to try again. No, not ready to go back to school just to take P-Chem, just I want to see if I can do it now.

    So congrats on your chutzpah and going back to school!
  15. Blogger kilowatthour posted at 9:18 PM  
    hahhahhrhrhahaar i just did this 23rd post 5th sentence thing, with this result:

    "i loved the ritual, when i wasn't creeped out by it."

    also, in my comment up there, i meant "i should have my head examined."
  16. Blogger Kassi posted at 2:22 PM  
    No matter how you put it, chemistry is a crapload better than accounting. There is nothing sexual, or sparkly, or even remotely interesting about Accounting-it's ALL math and no fire.
    Accounting = No handjobs. Boo.
  17. Anonymous Browen posted at 11:11 PM  

    Not posting in forever is also evil.

    We miss you plummy!!!

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