Thursday, March 17, 2005

Self Portrait Day - Bad Hair

Thanks to Home Detention Lady I found out there's a theme for today's Self Portrait Day - bad hair.

Now, I have big hair to begin with. I don't do anything to make it big, it's just naturally huge. I've tried several things to make it not big, but as soon as my hair is deprived of the care and feeding of those nice salon people, nothing works. Gels, sprays, clips and blowdriers just make it angry, and then it acts like a pissed volcano god for the rest of the day, swallowing up cars and small land masses. Nobody wants that. So I pretty much rock the ponytail on a daily basis in the hopes my honkey fro won't hurt anyone, or incur further property damage.

One of my hair history highlights occured during my college stint in student teaching (Those who can, teach. Those who can't, quit the teaching program). During a visit to a 2nd grade class, one of my charges showed me a picture she'd drawn depicting two people holding hands beneath a rainbow.

2nd grader (screaming): "Look what I drew Miss Amanda!

Me: "Wow, this looks great! Tell me about it." ***NEVER ask a kid what they've drawn. They think you're a total moron for not seeing the completely obvious.***

2nd Grader: "Well, here's ME," she pointed at a smiley person, "and there's YOU Miss Amanda!"

Me: "Why do I have a giant yellow triangle on my head?"

2nd Grader: "That's your big, pretty, yellow hair!"

Me (smiling and trying not to look like all my worst, hairy fears have been confirmed ): "Thanks..."

After being thusly alerted about the yellow, hairy, 50 foot pyramid stapled to my scalp, I chopped it off (badly), leaving my then-boyfriend scrambling for an answer to the 'what do you think of my new haircut' question. He looked like he was about to cry.

My picture hosting's crap right now, but here's an approximation of the original fro:

Bigass hair
*courtesy of

Oh, yes. I DO look that sexy in real life.

"Big, pretty, yellow hair"...Ha! From the mouths of babes, my ass.

P.S. Don't think I don't like kids. That 2nd grader was cute. She just called me out.
Random Fruit Fact: The Ugli Fruit

In light of todays vanity posting, I give you: the ugli fruit!

"Discovered growing wild in Jamaica over 70 years ago and has been developed by the family of the owners of Trout Hall Ltd. into the commercial variety now in production in Jamaica. Its parentage combines the best characteristics of the tangerine, grapefruit and seville orange."

Did you know that 'ugli' is trademarked by a fruit distribution company? Learn more about the ugli fruit being a total sellout, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/17/2005 04:26:00 PM


  1. Blogger Random and Odd posted at 8:57 PM  
    was your big hair as big as my big hair?

    I think my hair is STILL too big.
  2. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 11:20 PM  
    I am a posting behind here, the spurious is much too prolific for me to keep up. Rachel, I could look at the mole, but I am a pulmonary specialist, so I would really have to recommend you see your primary care physician. By the way where are you located?

    Plum, you do have awesome hair, I also just found the towel you used to clean up your back to back beer spills at my place several weeks ago. It is completely stiff and beer soaked. That towel will never recover from your brand of fun.

    Abe Wheeler, DO
  3. Blogger Ern posted at 2:12 AM  
    If you can count on one thing, it is that kids will be honest. When I was in high school I had acne. Big, horrible, no one talks about it kind of acne. But a little kid asked me, "Why do you have pimples all over your face?" I exercised incredible restraint, though, and as far as I know, that girl is still alive today.
  4. Anonymous tree y flower posted at 2:49 AM  
    Dude, your hair is FINE. You are EXAGGERATING.

    Or maybe everything behaves better in California; I know when I go to the East Coast my hair goes all flat and I break out... perhaps I am allergic.

  5. Blogger Snickrsnack Katie posted at 11:20 AM  
    I am amazed at that girl's cigarette talent. Five cigs at once - that is definitely a talent I need to perfect.

    Kids always say the darndest things, don't they? Apparently when I was a kid, in second grade, I asked my teacher "Why did God give you a mustache?" I don't think she was amused.
  6. Blogger laurenbove posted at 4:28 PM  
    OMG: I always feel so guilty when I have to ask my kid what it was that he'd drawn. I usually follow up with a "oh, yeah, that's exactly what I figured...I was just testing you...uh...that's right, testing you."

    Weak huh?

    BTW: Big hair is totally awesome dude! I was called fuzz head by my BEST friend in school for a very good reason. The only thing that actually tames it w/o serious work is Pantene. It has simethicone in it and that seems to keep it all chill.
  7. Blogger BKing posted at 5:52 PM  
    Big yellow hair in a pyramid... hmmm... you sure you aren't Alice from Dilbert? *must...resist... fist...of...death..*
  8. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 6:51 PM  
    Can you get my hair to do that? I need some of what your using.

  9. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 11:02 PM  
    I think I can help you out, Plummy. Let's take one Mr. Jon Bon Jovi. When he had big hair, he was fuckin' awesome with a capital fuck. Without big hair, he's a total puss. Does this help you? And I gotta agree with Tree y Flower... come home soon.

    xoxooxox Rachel

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