Wednesday, July 27, 2005

In Which My Extra Boob Reduces Mateo To Some Feral State

One of the most noticeable inconveniences of the 3rd boob (w/ accompanying incision accessory) is that my stitches have to stay in for a month. A month! Drs. Slice, Dice, and Scar Me For Life frown upon my lifting stuff, doing dishes or vacuuming. (Not that ever do this stuff, being a lazy little slug...squish-squish).

But in the very near future, not lifting things is going to be a problem. Cause I’m moving. How do you move without lifting things? Now let me be clear here in case I’ve mislead anyone, I’m NOT A LITTLE DELICATE FUCKING FLOWER. When shit goes down, I come correct. Once, when Mateo was out of town for a conference, I saw good deal on a couch and moved said couch, by myself. Just stick some stars on my panties and give me a freaky golden lasso, I’m Wonder Plum, bitches.

All unnecessary egotistical outbursts aside, this whole ‘try not to move your arm for the next month’ thing puts a cramp in my style. To ease the move, I decided to get rid of extraneous stuff by posting in Craigslist's 'free' section, and was subsequently deluged with freaks wanting my end tables. I literally got 50 emails in 12 hours. On the Pittsburgh Craigslist. I’m not sure how well acquainted you are with Craigslist's wonder and majesty, but the Pittsburgh list is usually pretty sorry, so the response blew me away. I got rocked so hard that the day I posted, someone ran off with the bedside table next to my sleeping husband (Mateo woke up, found no bedside table, and was understandably confused).

After Mateo woke up, I told him about the throngs clamoring for our non-spotty, non-pet-smell-imbued couch and other furniture items.

Mateo: “Pretty good response, huh? Maybe we should’ve charged for this stuff…”

Me: “Yeah, I didn’t think it could be like this. Someone called and wanted to know if they could pick up our huge ass computer desk tomorrow.”

Mateo: “Um, no way.”

Me: “But I already agreed to…”

Mateo: “ Uh-uh. We’re not moving for another month, and I’m not living like an animal.”

Me (laughing): Is this what they taught you growing up in Orange County? That living without a computer desk is ‘living like an animal’??

Mateo: “Well…yeah.”
Random Fruit Fact: The Sunchoke

“Wrap sunchokes in a plastic bag, seal, and store in the refrigerator crisper. They will keep for up to two weeks. If you have a cool, dark storage place, such as a dry cellar, they can also be kept there.”

Unlike the sunchoke, the stitches in my chest will keep for a month. I don’t wanna live in the cellar though…Learn more about the sunchoke, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 7/27/2005 05:40:00 PM


  1. Blogger Southern Fried Girl posted at 7:21 PM  
    Um, I am going to try to put this in a relatively unselfish way, but um, while you are moving and actually en route, does this mean no blog updates? Because I will have to medicated about 2 weeks prior. Please keep us informed. Torrie went out of town and I just recently stopped with the tics.
  2. Blogger Squirl posted at 7:55 PM  
    If you weren't moving it might be fun to sit back and be the pampered Princess. I'm no Wonder-Squirl but every time we've moved I do loads of packing. I carry what my wimpy form will allow.

    Getting rid of stuff is a good first step. Especially with as far as you are moving. Here's to a quick healing for your third boob.
  3. Blogger Closet Metro posted at 11:09 PM  
    Wonder Plum with stars on her panties. You rock, girl.
  4. Blogger Caroline posted at 12:25 AM  
    You crack me up :)
  5. Blogger _Summer_ posted at 5:27 AM  
    I'm still waiting for the Carbs and Spicy Meat Express. When does it pass thru so. IL?

    Is it invisible, like your jet?


    The weeping of tears and the gnashing of teeth and the clawing at skin will be magnificent.
  6. Blogger Aurora posted at 11:47 AM  
    Wonder Plum? I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Your so funny! Good luck with your moving plans. My BF moves in, tonight. *gnash*
  7. Blogger schmims posted at 2:19 PM  
    How did mateo not wake up during the moving of the end table? That my frined, is some serious sleeping.
  8. Blogger mrtl posted at 2:49 PM  
    It would make life so much easier if you were a girly girl who didn't want to break a nail, wouldn't it?

    Sorry to hear that pesky third boob of yours is hindering the moving process.
  9. Blogger echrai posted at 3:22 PM  
    I could be convinced to watch a Wonder Plum cartoon. Krypto the Wonder Dog was a bit much for me, but if it were fruit... I'd watch. I'd say ignore the doctors, but it would cause pain and/or more scarring than you need. :( Good luck.
  10. Blogger Weetzie posted at 3:37 PM  
    Milk it for all it's worth!! Pun totally intended.
  11. Blogger Candace posted at 11:33 PM  
    I, too, come through when it counts. I lifted large sections of the playset that the husband and I myself. LARGE sections.

    Don't forget about Freecycle, too. It's part of Yahoo! We just got rid of a crapload of stuff over the weekend.

    I love it. People come and take your crap away and you don't have to do anything but play on the computer.

  12. Blogger kt77 posted at 11:40 AM  
    i come to you with a serious fruit related question. and you are my online fruit expert. can i eat the wild pears that fall into my yard from my neighbors tree?

    yes, that was random. but i need to know!
  13. Blogger laurenbove posted at 2:23 PM  
    Oh my yes, no puter primitive single celled organisms, planaria or mitochondria. No can do, Plum-wonderful!

    how in the heck did a table get taken near a sleeping yet still alive Mateo? Did the moving boys tip toe and whisper?

    Hope you're feeling better and soon. Nothing worse than a laid-up superhero. Hurry and heal thyself!
  14. Blogger Spurious Plum posted at 9:40 PM  
    SFG- I'm actually flying back home early to start my new job. But I won't have a computer for uh..two weeks...Don't hurt me! Don't worry. I'll warn you folks!

    Squirl- You'll always be a Wonder Squirl to me! But 'pampered princess' is sounding OK...Hmm. I'll have to check this out.

    Closet Metro- You just like panties. Doncha?

    Caroline- Feelings mutual, sweet cheeks. Can we have a Dr. Who-O-Thon?

    Summer- Fear not! The Carbs and Spicy Meat Express travels in your heart. If you believe, it will come to you.

    Airea-Boyfriend moving in is good, no? Yes? Keep me posted!

    Schimms- My husband has a gift. I'm so proud...

    MRTL- I'd love to be a girly-girl, but I've tried and I suck at it. I'm almost 30 and I still can't figure makeup out. Sigh.

    Echrai- I initally thought scarring would be fun, cause then I could make up stories...but vanity got the best of me. Plus, all of a sudden, mateo wants me to be really careful...hmm...

    Weetzie-Uh, I'm gonna have to wait awhile before I milk anything on MYSELF.

    Misfit- Crap! I forgot about Freecycle! Thanks!

    KT77- You may wanna think twice about eating fallen fruit, but it's really up to you. How much do you know about the tree? Does your neighbor use pesticides? Do any neighborhood animals use the area as a rest stop? Just be sure to use your head.

    Laurenbove- When Mateo's out, he's out. He can look awake and respond with single syllable grunts, but if he's in the bed, Danzig could be playing on our bedspread and he'd sleep right through it. It's awesome.

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