Thursday, August 11, 2005

An Expository Essay On Speech – OR – Writing Practice For College

So, in addition to finding a place and getting my old job back at the neurosurgeon’s office (hooray!) I’ll also going back to junior college (joy) to complete prerequisites for an accelerated BSN degree so I can be a nurse practitioner or a nurse anesthetist.

Let me emphasize this.

I’ll be working full-time AND going to school. And I’m not taking Underwater Basket Weaving or Ass Hattery 101. My classes will be HARD. Hard enough for me to seriously doubt my ability to PASS, since all I have is a sorry-ass BA in English. Check it:

Developmental Psychology
Organic Chemistry
And the most heinous of all: Speech

Ya’ll need a little history lesson on this one. Back in my junior college days, my ENTIRE decision of which university to attend was based on whether I’d have to take a speech class. There’s nothing (at least nothing I can think of - and I can think of a LOT of scary things) that I wouldn’t do to avoid taking speech. If I could skip speech by taking a job professionally throwing puppies into a volcano, I’d say you’re looking at your next Head of Puppy Chucking Management.*

To procrastinate, I’ve signed up for Chemistry and Developmental Psych.

13 units of class + 40 hours of work = Spurious rides the white horse.

Maybe after Chemistry, I can make my own!**

*Please don’t be mad. There’s no way I can get out of this class, so there will be no puppy chucking. If someone makes the offer and it’s legit though, I’ll have to at least CONSIDER it.

**I’m not going to make coke, nor do I want any for myself. Please don’t send me any.

Random Fruit Fact: The Brazilian Cherry

“...often made into jam, jelly, relish or pickles. Brazilians ferment the juice into vinegar or wine, and sometimes prepare a distilled liquor.”

Ah, booze! Hey, I used it to get through school the first time…Learn more about the brazilian cherry, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 8/11/2005 02:31:00 PM


  1. Blogger Southern Fried Girl posted at 3:19 PM  
    You will do great. I have no worries. :)
  2. Blogger Susie posted at 6:00 PM  
    First, congrats on all these things falling into place, and the wonderful apartment. You will kick ass in school. Even when it's time to take speech, you will speech circles around all the other speechers. There is nothing you can't do! (I used to be a cheerleader; I don't tell everyone that, because there are haters, you know...)

    A nurse anesthetist. I just like to say that.
  3. Blogger Squirl posted at 8:34 PM  
    Good for you! Working full time and going to school is a lot of work but so rewarding when you're done.

    I'm with you on Speech class. It never bothered me in my pre-college days. In college I hated it. We had to be taped and watch it before the next class.

    But I'm proof that you can take Speech and survive. All of us out here in blogland are pretty good writers. Wonder how we'd do if we had to give these as speeches for a grade? But you're a great writer. Just pretend that you're doing speech-to-text and it just happens to be in front of a few people. They'll love you.
  4. Blogger Candace posted at 10:24 PM  
    If you need a demonstration speech, my man can give you his. He demonstrated how to make home-made firecrackers.

    He got an A.

    Of course, this was WAAAAAAYYYYY pre all-the-crazy-shit-that-goes-on these days, but there you have it.
  5. Blogger Ern posted at 10:33 PM  
    Good luck with your classes! You can always whine to me. I'm full of sympathy for anyone in Micro!
  6. Anonymous lawbrat posted at 10:36 PM  
    You are going to do great! I'm so excited for you. Things are coming together nicely.

    By the way...I replied to your comment on my site, and showed you where to see a pic of the ex.
  7. Blogger mrtl posted at 6:38 AM  
    You go, girl!
  8. Blogger Jomama posted at 6:55 AM  
    So that's what "ride the white horse" means? Learn something new everyday.

    Also congratulations on all the good things happening to you lately.

    I hated speech class too. I had to take it in college and I honestly cried before every presentation because I was so nervous. If I find any puppy chucking openings, I'll let you know.

    And Ass Hattery 101-- LMAO!!!
  9. Blogger Suzanna Danna posted at 9:35 AM  
    Little Plum... congrats on the new (old) job, the new digs, the courses (I'm sure you will do smashingly) and everything else that seems to be going your way. So happy for you sweetness. :)
  10. Anonymous TAF posted at 10:37 AM  
    Yo, I'll take you to a comedy improv workshop. In high school I did improv comedy, impersonated a dying whale in front of at least 500 people-- AND IT'S ON VIDEOTAPE-- so after that, I don't really have any dignity to lose.

    I still get nervous over speaking in front of people, but I'm not scared. No, not in the least, says the dying whale.
  11. Blogger kilowatthour posted at 10:51 AM  
    ohmygod i totally feel your pain with the going back to school. when i started my pre-med stuff i had these letters after my name: B.M., M.M. these letters aren't all that helpful with the organic chemistry. but it can be done. one step at a time.

    also, speech? are they serious with that crap? that would drive me completely insane.
  12. Blogger _Summer_ posted at 11:27 AM  
    Yay! (again)
  13. Blogger ~*ERY*~ posted at 12:32 PM  
    Yea for new/old job and schooling! I speak for my father in telling you that he is very proud that you want to be a nurse anesthetist (because according to him they make a lot of money and I should do it)

    Sorry about that speech business though, thats odd...speech was a requirement at my high school...never knew nurses had to be able to address many people at one time with a well prepared grammatically correct monologue, huh.

    When I first read through your list of what you eventually had to take...Ithought you were taking all of it at once...I I got very scared for you, theni discovered your true course schedule and breathed again.

    Good Luck!! I start my first yr. of college in less than 2 weeks so we'll be learnin' together.

  14. Blogger Spurious Plum posted at 8:25 PM  
    SFG- Well, I'm glad you're not worried, cause I AM!

    Susie-I'm betting dollars to doughnuts that you were the bestest cheerleader EVER. I know I feel better! Thanks!

    Squirl- I feel you. Writing's no biggie, but speechy stuff, I just don't know. Maybe I can talk about fruit? They tape you? TAPE YOU!?!?!?

    Misfit- See? At least his speech was interesting. I don't know what the hell to talk about...And they're going to tape me. TAPE ME. Shit.

    Ern- Believe me. There WILL be whining. Eep.

    Lawbrat- Thanks for the good wishes! (Muthafucka's ass is mine).

    MRTL- I'm going as fast as I can!

    Jomama- Yeah. I bring the 80's slang to the table... Do you actually remember that song? Cause it was RAD.

    Suzanna Danna- I WISH I was a 'little' plum. I've got some serious running to do...But thanks for the good wishes!

    TAF- I wish I could say I was surprised, but everything you do surprises me. Which kind of dying whale was it?

    Kilowatthour- Uh, can I call you? I don't know what a carbon chain is.

    Summer- Thanks (again).

    ERY- Lets get out book on!
  15. Blogger Closet Metro posted at 8:59 PM  
    Brazillian Cherry sounds like a stripper's name to me.
  16. Blogger Spurious Plum posted at 9:00 PM  
    CM- Finally. Jesus. I thought no one was gonna pick up on that...
  17. Blogger Weetzie posted at 9:52 AM  
    Good Luck!! You can do it!!

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