Friday, April 22, 2005

Just Because It's Free, Doesn't Mean You Get To Act Like An Ass

This afternoon I worked a pizza party fundraiser for our annual Boy Scout food drive at work. Nobody really wanted to head up the party, but we got suckered into it. We’re trying to get as much food/money as possible in the next 2 weeks, all of which will be donated to local charities. Except the gay ones. The Boy Scouts can be a trifle homophobic.

Hey, Boy Scouts. QUIT THAT!

Our Administration agreed to use their slush fund for a social event with pizza, soda, and salad as an incentive to increase donations. We baited people with free pizza for $5 or 5 cans of food, figuring we’d get about 75 people for chow.

Everything looked cool when we set up for lunch and ordered the pizzas, but I immediately saw trouble. We had ordered 200 pieces of pizza, but some greedy bitches were walking out with 8-9 slices at a time. They’d cheerfully chirp, “I’ll be back for more!” and walk off with 4 vertical feet of pizza, 16 sodas stuffed in their pockets and a vat of salad balanced on their head.

Of course, we ran out of food and had to order more, which is when things went south. While we were waiting, the natives got restless.

Now before I continue, I need to clarify a thing or two. I completely understand the sweet, siren song of free pizza (well, sorta free). Pizza is one of my not-so-secret weaknesses, and I turn into a murderous, cheese-gobbling monkey whenever I come across it. And if it’s free…bitches, stand back. I’ll eat you too.

Which is why I understood the group grumpiness at first. These folks held up their end of the bargain by bringing food or money and they wanted some pizza, dammit! But I’d never done this before, and had no idea that my entire building would take 10 pieces of pizza EACH. The food team offered to call folks when more food arrived, in case they needed to get back to work. We offered to give them their money/food back. We tried everything we could to make them happy.

But after awhile, things just got nasty:

“I think this was poorly planned. You did a crap job!”

“We wanted to take our food upstairs and play poker for lunch. You RUINED our lunch!”

“Why don’t you do this RIGHT next time? I have more important things to do than wait around while YOU make mistakes.”

“I hope they give this job to someone else next year, you guys totally suck at it.”

In what universe are these comments appropriate? Being crazed with hunger does NOT entitle you to carte blanche asshole status. So this goes out to all of the insensitive shitheads who made me and my food drive team feel like donkey-shit.

Random Fruit Fact: Sea Buckthorn

There's a giant healthfood cult based around sea buckthorn oil, but I'll skip that. I'm all about the fruit, people.

"reaches 2–4 m in height in natural habitats and bears yellow or orange-red berries, referred to as “Siberian pineapple” in Russia, because of its taste and juiciness"

'Siberian pineapple'. There's two words I never thought I'd see together. Learn more about the Super Sea Buckthorn, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 4/22/2005 03:19:00 PM


  1. Blogger Susie posted at 7:50 PM  
    "Just Because It's Free, Doesn't Mean You Get To Act Like An Ass"
    I can't tell you how many times those words have been uttered in my boudoir.
    Be that as it may, it is appalling that you and team were not celebrated, congratulated, even decorated for your fine efforts. Asshats.
  2. Blogger Spurious Plum posted at 7:53 PM  
    Susie. I think I love you.
  3. Blogger Southern Fried Girl posted at 8:37 PM  
    Don't let em get you down. Fuck em if they don't want to get in there and do some work. They should not criticize you if they are not in there doing the work. Next time tell them to blow themselves.
  4. Blogger Squirl posted at 9:03 PM  
    Don't these people realize that is for a non-profit organization. What made them think they had the right to be pigs and assholes? Volunteering for that kind of stuff should put you in line for sainthood.
  5. Blogger Nessa posted at 9:32 PM  
    I haven't even read the post yet because I had to immediately comment on HOW MUCH I LOVE THE NEW LOOK!!!!!!!! Plum - it rocks!!!!
  6. Blogger Susie posted at 6:58 AM  
    Whoooooaaaaaa. THAT, Miss Plum, is what I said when I first walked through the gates of the newly refurbished Plum Palace. Most enjoyable. Beautiful, welcoming. I LOVE IT! The new plums are incredibly sexy!
  7. Blogger stephlys posted at 9:55 AM  
    We had free lunch for our office move and the fatest (I don't make fun of fat people cause that sucks but damn he's an asshat) guy in the office was first in line, grabbed food, then stood in front of the cokes and complained that they were hot. He was 2 feet from the ice maker and there were cups set up on the ice maker. Damn, people.
  8. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 10:37 AM  
    First, I love, love, love the new look. The plumbs are awesome. I want to eat them!

    Last, you step up, do what needs to be done, then are criticized? Geesh. I think you did a great job, planned the best you could, and did what had to be done when you ran out. No one would expect 1 person to take more than 2 slices of pizza. Greedy bitches!

  9. Blogger Candace posted at 3:35 PM  
    I'll bet every one of those people who took more than 3 slices (I'm being generous, too, because really...who needs THAT many calories??) had money to spare to buy his or her own lunch.

    The bastards.
  10. Blogger mrtl posted at 10:34 PM  
    How rude!
  11. Blogger Nessa posted at 8:17 AM  
    & now I'm back to say...those jackasses - they obviously have no class - some people!
  12. Blogger spoonleg posted at 11:07 PM  
    Their giant, pizza filled asses will provide all of the revenge you deserve. May their asses jiggle with pizza induced cellulite for an eternity.

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