Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Who’s your Bitch? Me!

Happy Secretary/Administrative Assistant/Lackey Day!

In case no one at your lame-ass job gave you props today, I herby acknowlede your tepid efforts at work! Congratulations on not throwing things, cussing people out or acting like a goon any more than absolutely necessary. I know, it’s hard for me too.

I currently work for a nice doctor in a medical research facility. My boss is very sweet, but is nuttier than a pecan orchard. Today was spent secretly hoping I don't get anything for ‘Secretary’s Day’ (or whatever the latest PC terminology is) because I’m terrified of what he'll give me. Dead mice? Autoclaved research instruments? A set of 6 shiny beakers?

The Regretful Gift Train has stopped at my station several times over the years, and now I can’t decide which is worse; not being acknowledged for the crappy work I do, or having my crappy work rewarded with a crappy gift.

All you bosses out there, I can say from experience that assistants don’t want a dead wreath with staples in it, nor do they want someone else’s used earrings (so nasty). Pick something nice, for God's sake. And if you can’t come correct, don’t come at all. Treat me right and I’ll always be your bitch.

At least until I can find someone who pays better than you.

Ya’ll have gotten some bad gifts too. Fess up.
Random Fruit Fact: The Lychee

Lychee ice cream is goooooooood. Glory be!

“The lychee is a rare tropical tree that bears a brilliant red-skinned fruit with extraordinarily sweet, fragrant, juicy, translucent flesh. The lychee originated in the low elevations of Southern China in the provinces of Kwangtung and Fukien, where there are still villages in today with lychee trees that are over 1000 years old!”

Yummy, yum, yum. Learn more about the supertasty lychee fruit here, from people who are WAY too into Asian shit.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 4/27/2005 03:54:00 PM


  1. Blogger marybishop posted at 6:00 PM  
    Worst gift I ever got from a boss was a pen and pencil set with his initials on it.
  2. Blogger Nilbo posted at 7:13 PM  
    You always make me laugh, darlin' ... thank you ...
  3. Blogger Squirl posted at 7:21 PM  
    I do what might be considered grunt work in an office. However, since I've never been classified as secretary, administrative assistant, whatever, I never had to endure Secretary's Day and lousy gifts.
  4. Blogger Candace posted at 7:38 AM  
    I've never been an administrative assistant or secretary or anyone's bee-yotch. Except my kids. I'm totally my kids' bitch.

    Anyway, I have never recieved a crappy Lackey's Day gift, alas.
  5. Blogger Aurora posted at 8:56 AM  
    I don't think my work even knows it happy (crappy) lacky day. As for presents we get stuff all year long, like lunches and homemade cookies from the bosses wife. It's pretty chill here. Except for when i cuss them out. They don't pay me enough to be nice. *jk* kinda...
  6. Blogger spoonleg posted at 9:03 AM  
    Jesus H. Christ, USED earrings? How 'bout some used gum or panties next time, eh?
  7. Anonymous Van Morrison posted at 9:40 AM  
    Dear Amanda,

    Have I told you lately that I love you? I carry plump, juicy plums with me everywhere I go, to remind me of you. I lurk here every day. I would give you such a lovely gift, if only I could.

    I would "come correct" as you so eloquently requested.

    The beauty and brilliance of your blog is only eclipsed by that of YOU, dear Plum.

    Until we meet on the bright side of the road,
    Your biggest fan,
  8. Anonymous Other Michlee posted at 10:24 AM  
    Hey there - now I checked your blog and I see that you were joking - I'm sure you can find a great dentist closer to home, but if you're driving through and you crack a tooth, it's Perfect Teeth Dental Spa on Roscoe. It is truly amazing.
  9. Blogger Spurious Plum posted at 10:35 AM  
    Van Morrison!!!!
  10. Blogger Meggan posted at 11:33 AM  
    *giggles* dead mice? I've never gotten dead mice.

    I got a Suzy Boguss tape for Easter once, that was pretty bad. I hate country and "the Easter Bunny" knew that and bought it for me to "expand my horizons."

    My mom once got me a $2 WalMart swimsuit for my birthday that was navy blue, and made of a kind of ribbed fabric. Yeah. I looked like a blue whale. It was awful.

    And Lychees! My friend Callie and I once got these strange little Japanese candies made from lychees and she loves them. Lychee! It's just fun to say.
  11. Anonymous honestyrain posted at 11:52 AM  
    used earrings? followed by a smack to the face and either a request for high pay increase or submission of walking papers? ick.
  12. Blogger Caroline posted at 12:27 PM  
    I got a pen from my boss once. It was one of the free ones, from the supply closet. It was supposed to be a birthday gift. Bastard.

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