Thursday, May 05, 2005

¡Happy Cinco De Mayo! - or - ¡Get Your Fucking Piñata On!

¡Yay, Cinco De Mayo!

Attached, please find pictures of Mateo and I celebrating the holiday traditionally at our local Target. You know. With piñatas!







While we running around Target like a pair of ass clowns, we noticed something strange, or at least I did. I now firmly belive that there's a huge Target fruit conspiracy afoot.

Fruit is fucking EVERYWHERE in Target. It’s here:



There:


Everywhere:


I found the following fruity objects on Target's site (careful, some of this shit's ugly): bowls, platters , stuff for Strawberry Shortkake's dining room table, clocks, ugly-ass screens, lights (both stringy and otherwise), fruity little kid cars, baby toys, bags, even fruity shower radios. This all took exactly 6 seconds to find, so I'm guessing the Target folks are sitting on enough fruity booty to sink a produce-filled ship.

Is someone from Target reading my crap-ass blog? Am I on the FBI's top ten fruit criminals list? Or is Isaac Mizrahi finally grasping the awesome power of a well-tailored fruit?

Just what in the fruity hell is going on?
____________________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Carambola

"There are some specimens of the tree in special collections in the Caribbean islands, Central America, tropical South America, and also in West Tropical Africa and Zanzibar. Several trees have been growing since 1935 at the Rehovoth Research Station in Israel. In many areas, it is grown more as an ornamental than for it's fruits. "

'Central America' means México, bitches! Learn more about the carambola, here.

¡Viva México!

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 5/05/2005 07:21:00 PM

16 Comments

  1. Blogger Spurious Plum posted at 7:30 AM  
    Oh, so nobody loves Drinko De Mayo?
  2. Anonymous lawbrat posted at 8:03 AM  
    Fruit! Its right up your alley. Did you get one of each? :-) I love the photos. At target, like ass clowns! I'm laughing at that. Thanks for the fun. I may have to go play at target.
  3. Blogger Circus Kelli posted at 8:32 AM  
    Plum! Honey! Relax! Calm down! I wouldn't want you to go all Fruit Loopy on us!!
  4. Blogger Spurious Plum posted at 9:09 AM  
    Thanks CK, I was starting to hyperventilate...

    Actually, I wasn't sure the comments were working, and thought I should check 'em out.

    And I'm a total comment ho-bag.
  5. Blogger Random and Odd posted at 9:41 AM  
    You have found your home :)
  6. Anonymous mrtl posted at 10:17 AM  
    You and Mateo should totally do a photo shoot in the fruit aisle of your local department store. Comb your hair and paint and powder, put on your prom best, and pose amongst the plums.
  7. Blogger Squirl posted at 11:00 AM  
    mrtl is bringing up the prom thing here.

    You warned there'd be some ugly stuff if I clicked the links. I clicked anyway. Some of it was downright skirry. Especially the screens.

    You are the true Plum. Everything else is just a cheap imitation.
  8. Blogger Closet Metro posted at 11:02 AM  
    Ass Clowns come in pairs? I thought it was a carful.
  9. Blogger echrai posted at 11:22 AM  
    Fruit conspiracy indeed - and there's nothing worse than poor little fruits being stretched beyond capacity, screaming in horror at the round rear-end whose stretch pants they are stuck on. *shudder* Saw those in the supermarket the other day. It hurt. I know I'm too fat for spandex, why don't women who wear a size 54XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX realize it? Poor fruits.
  10. Blogger Susie posted at 12:26 PM  
    This isn't going to make sense, but, hell, this is as good a place as any to say something that doesn't make sense, right? All this fruitiness reminds me of this "big shirt" I used to have, that I wore with my black stirrup pants, yes, we're going back here, and it was white with black polka-dots and large pineapples, lemons, cherries, etc. (I don't think plums). It was heinous, and I wore it. Until I goodwilled it. Then later I saw it in a TV movie, where a mentally challenged woman was wearing it, and her mother told someone, "That's her TV-watching shirt." Can you believe it? I had a film-quality TV-watching shirt, and I gave it to Good-freakin'-Will! But now, thanks to you, I believe I can purchase a suitable TV-watching shirt at Target. Thank you, kind Plum. That is all. (I need serious help.)
  11. Blogger Aurora posted at 12:34 PM  
    Ok, sorry...i live in canada...we don't celebrate the fifth of may...so whats up with this? What do you all do besides drink?
  12. Blogger Circus Kelli posted at 1:45 PM  
    Susie,

    You *may* be in need of serious help.

    I suggest you get yourself to the nearest mirror and begin your own therapy.
  13. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 4:04 PM  
    In response to Airea...

    Drinking pretty much covers it. It is not a real holiday, Mexicans do not celebrate it in Mexico, nobody in America A. Knows that the Mexicans won a battle before getting their ass soundly kicked by the French in later battles, nor
    B. Gives a fuck.

    Mexican beer is sometimes at sale at the liquor store and restaurants have specials on alcohol regardless of their ethnic affiliation.

    As the saying goes, Cinco de Mayo is just another reason to get drunk. Like life was not sufficient enough motivation.

    El Guapo
  14. Blogger laurenbove posted at 4:14 PM  
    El Guapo! They taught the history of cinco de mayo in my kids class at school...there's at least 30 or 40 eleven year olds that TOTALLY care, man.

    El Chupcabra
  15. Blogger Spurious Plum posted at 7:48 PM  
    Me- I love Drinko De Mayo!

    Lawbrat- I want to get one of EVERYTHING at Target.It's a disease.

    CK- Thanks for giving me a paper bag to breathe into.

    Kristine- Yay! People who understand the whoredom!

    MRTL- Good idea...something to consider... Duly noted. I'll get back to you about fitting into my old prom dress...

    squirl- but I wanna be cheap too! Like that screen! (ick.)

    CM- My ass clown posse only rolls 2 deep.We can't afford the car yet.

    Echrai - NOBODY looks good in spandex. NOBODY. I'll post about this tommorrow, as it's a fashion passion of mine.

    Susie- That makes perfect sense in a holy-crow-do-you-have-a-picture-of-that-outfit kind of way. Rockin' the stirrup pants. Sweet. Pics pretty, pretty please.

    Airea - Mostly drinking, but sometimes we have one night stands too, but that's usually only if Cinco De Mayo falls on a weekend.

    Guapo - I still love you Guapo!

    Laurenbove- I believe children are Cinco De Mayo's future. Good school. Teaching kids good stuff. That makes you one good Mama.
  16. Blogger spoonleg posted at 4:22 PM  
    Those pinata shots are freaking AWESOME.

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