Thursday, March 31, 2005

Random Thought - Homeless Guy

Reading Overheard in NY just reminded me of an odd experience I had with a homeless guy many years ago. On a trip to Santa Monica, some friends and I encountered a vocal, crazy homeless fellow, who was shouting to himself. Right as we walked by, he yelled,

"So I looked right at Michael Jordan and I said, 'Jump, mutherfucka! Jump!' And he did. And just look what happened."

For answering one of life's eternal questions, we gave that man TWO dollars.

Shit, if I could do it again, I'd give him, like, five.
_________________________________________
EMERGENCY FRUIT ADDENDUM - Added 9:31AM 4/1/05

Random EMERGENCY Fruit Fact: The Elderberry

I'm getting too old to stay up past 11:30, hence, the elderberry. Shout out to Lawbrat for calling me out on being a lazy, sleepy bitch.

"In the Middle Ages legends held that the elderberry tree was home to witches and that cutting down one would bring on the wrath of those residing in the branches. The Russians and the English believed that elder trees warded off evil spirits, and it was considered good luck to plant a tree near your home. Sicilians believed that sticks of elder wood could kill serpents and drive away thieves"

Yeah! Screw theives! Learn more about the elderberry at this lady's site, she's one devoted fruit queen.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/31/2005 11:22:00 PM 5 comments

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Spring + Rhymes With Orange

It was 68 degrees and sunny in Pittsburgh today! And the sun came out! I wore flip-flops on my ugly feet to celebrate! Because it's spring! Yay!



Smelling the Spring-Is-Here pheramone in the air, our local college chix immediately stripped and began prancing naked in the streets. This would be fine, were it not for the fact that all these girls are orange. Bad fake-tanning orange. Ryan Seacrest with boobs and a tube top orange.

I know nobody wants legs resembling pre-cooked turkey drumsticks under that fluttery new skirt. I know fake tanning helps delay those pesky melanomas and (gasp) wrinkles. But it's not worth it! Your orangeness is causing car accidents and blinding little old ladies. Migrating birds are being driven off course by the unearthly glow emitted by your skin.

It's OK to go out and frolic without that stuff. Really. Now, before you freak, please note the following fake tan facts:

1.) If you're living in a cold, un-sunny place, a natural tan ain't happening.

2.) If you get an UN-natural tan in the aforementioned cold place, you don't look 'healthy' or like you've 'been vacationing in South Beach'. You look orange.

3.) ALL fake tans make you look orange.

4.) Yes. Even the one you use.

5.) Yep, the one your friend recommended, too. It does puddle up on your knees and it is streaky.

6.) Uh-huh, everyone CAN tell that it's fake.

Put the bottles down people! Go forth in your natural, blinding glory and cavort! Give those college girls a run for their money! Do it for Spring!

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/30/2005 09:03:00 PM 12 comments

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Animal Freakin' Planet

I'll probably catch hell for this, but have you ever noticed that how certain famous folks look like animals? Here, I'll show you what I mean:

Paul McCartney sorta looks like a turtle:

*Image courtesy of Grabow.biz

And Coach K, the basketball coach for Duke, is sort of ratty looking:

* Image courtesy of i.a.cnn.net

Understand, I'm not saying these folks posses animal attribute filled personalities.

Mr. McCartney sure seems nice, and can play musical instruments waaaay better than an average terrapin. You remember that video for 'I Got my Mind Set On You' ? A turtle could not make a video that blew my 11 year old mind the way that one did.

In that vein, Coach K is not, to the best of my knowledge, a scavenging, cheese eating fellow. He may look a little rodenty - hell, he may even like cheese, but that doesn't make him a rat. I don't know crap about basketball, but I assume that to be a coach you've got to do more than squeak and spread the Black Death.

Which brings us to today's topic. An article in the NY times today featured a picture of Mr. Vince Vaughn.

*Image courtesy of NYTimes.com

Mateo and I know he looks like some sort of forest mammal, but we can't decide on which one.

I'm voting for sloth:

* Image courtesy of forestecards.com

But Mateo thinks he bears a strong resemblance to some sort of small jungle cat.

And what the hell do I know? I'm a freaking fruit.
______________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Fig

People who eat figs are easy to spot,

"your average fig eater has a perpetually dry mouth. Look for people who drink lots of water or juice. Or lick their lips when they're not talking about Jesus."

Apparently, God don't like no figgies. I don't care though, they're sacrilicious. Read more about the focus of my heathen appetite, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/29/2005 11:25:00 PM 15 comments

Monday, March 28, 2005

FAQ's

I get lots of questions about this little blog venture, so I'm thinking of posting this little FAQ section in the sidebar. Let me know what you think.

Comments and suggestions are appreciated.
---------------------------------
Questions People Ask Me All The Time:

1. Why Spurious Plum?
Sometimes my husband calls me plum, and I like it.

I'm not an actual plum, I'm a FAKE. Plums doesn't usually type or have blogs. See, it looks weird.

Spurious means fake. Webster's dictionary defines it as: "of falsified or erroneously attributed origin." By this reasoning, I'm a false fruit, or a Spurious Plum. See? Easy.

The dictionary also defines 'spurious' as "being of bastard parentage," but we'll leave that alone, WON'T WE.

2. What's with the fruit facts?
It's always nice to learn new things. Besides, who better to teach you random fruit facts than a girl pretending to be a fruit? If you say 'well, a botanist might be better," I reserve the right to smack your sassy face.

3. Who's this Mateo dude?
Mateo and I met in 1998, married in 2002 and have been dang happy ever since. He's the most wonderful that ever happened to me. Key to a happy marriage = smooching.

4. You're really weird. Are you high?
No. Drugs have lots of spooky chemicals. But I do like booze and Diet Coke, both of which contain many chemicals. This makes me a hypocrite, which is fun.

P.S. Don't ask me to mail you drugs.

5. I love Pittsburgh! Why you wanna hate on it?
I do not hate Pittsburgh. In summer 2003, we moved from LA to Pittsburgh so Mateo could attend graduate school. Pittsburgh has many admirable qualities; cheap rent, lots of local pride, and a lack of gunfire. But Pittsburgh is also cold, has no Mexican food, and is far away from family and friends.

I miss my home. I bet you would too.

6. Your blog is pretty. How did you design it?
I didn't do this! I used artwork from here, here and here. I also used a template from this kind and talented fellow. I've monkeyed around with everything (which I hope is OK) and I'm trying to get smarter about coding and design, but I keep killing my brain cells (see question #4). So its sort of a work in progress.

I edit pictures in Picassa 2 , and use Hello! for image hosting. Until I can afford something fancier, I'll be ghetto and make extra image changes in Paint. I try hard to accurately document information on all outside images, but if I miss something please let me know.

7. Your pictures suck. Which camera should I shun?
Mr. Nikon Coolpix 5200 should not be blamed for my lack of photographic skillz. He's always been good to us. Buy up his brethren with impunity.

8. "You're looking little chunky in that profile pic, ever thought of joining a gym?... And where'd you take that picture, anyway?"
That photo was taken in the La Luz de Jesus Gallery in Hollywood, CA.

And I'll join a gym when you learn some manners, Cattypants.

9. When is your birthday?
September 25. Any gifts will be received with greedy glee.

10. How can I contact you?
Drop me a line anytime, at spuriousplum at gmail dot com .

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/28/2005 08:34:00 PM 8 comments

Friday, March 25, 2005

Clue - FOR JESUS!

Several people at work took today off, screaming "IT'S FOR JESUS!", and leaving me to cover their shit. I'm sure Christ appreciates you lounging around your house, eating pizza and watching all the March Madness games you taped.

When I questioned these people, no one could successfully tie together eggs, bunnies and Christ to my satisfaction. Here's what I have so far:

Bunnies - Don't lay (or dye) eggs or Sons of God
Eggs - Don't have bunnies or Saviors inside their shells, but if they did it would be deeeeep.
Jesus - Didn't lay eggs or bunnies (unless it's in a part of the bible I missed), but he may have dyed eggs with bunnies.

If anyone can make the connection, let me know.

Also...DUDE! I just had an epiphany! Remember Clue? The board game?

Remember Professor Plum?

*Image courtesy of catalyst.washington.edu....FOR JESUS!

It's me! Look:


Don't even try to step to my professorship either, or I'll smack you upside your sorry head with a candlestick.

This is awesome. I'm gonna go get drunk. FOR JESUS!

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/25/2005 08:08:00 PM 13 comments

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Nothin' But A Dirty Tag Hag + Self Portrait Day At Work


Remember Folks! Taking Acid At Work is BAD.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag team is in effect, courtesy of Lawbrat, Laurenbove and Kalki, who each tagged me first. Yes. They were ALL first.

1. What book would I like to be? Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak. Teaching kids to party in their PJ's with monsters would be a nice job.

2. Have I ever had a crush on a fictional character? In the 6th grade, I was completely in love with Sparrowhawk from the Wizard of Earthsea series by Ursula K. Le Guin. Piloting a boat all over the place, fighting his pride, saving bitches from labyrinths...yummy.

3. What is the last book I bought? Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic by Robert Lanham, Jeff Bechtel. Got it as a X-mas gift for for Free-Like-A-Child-Mike. Remember there's a librarian in my house. We don't buy books, We get 'em all for freeeeeee.

4. What is the last book I read? Blankets by Craig Thompson. A graphic novel so beautiful and sad, I couldn't leave it alone. I read it in one sitting, and almost cried when I finished. Craig's website is awesome too.

5. What book am I currently reading? Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell: A Novel by Susanna Clarke. It's HUGE, 800 pages or so, but you are seriously enveloped in another world.

I'm not a regular fantasy reader, but given the books I've just cited, I'm noting some escapist fiction tendencies. Who knew?

6. What 5 books would I take with me if I were stranded on a desert island?

a. Any book that allows me to change into an animal at will. Then I could become a fish, and get the hell off said desert island.

b. Any book held in the hands of my husband, so we could have hot, jungle love.

c. A tropical botany book, so I could know which plants could poison my dirty ass.

d. The Worm of Oroboros by ED Eddison to help me go to sleep. Some people love this book, and I'm sorry, but it's completely impenetrable. It's become a joke in my family, as nobody's been able to get past page 46, EVER. But hey, reading the same paragraph over and over exhausts me, making it a fantastic sleep aid.

e. The entire Encyclopaedia Britannica Home Library Suite. That's 55 books of pain, bitches. Might as well learn something. Yes, sets count. Lawbrat said so.

7. What 3 people am I going to tag with these questions and why?

Red Librarian , Tree and Flower, Ugly Agnes are hot creative mama's, so they get tagged like a muthafucka. They don't have to do a damn thing they don't feel like tho, so NO pestering.

Whew. All acidy, book demons have officially been expelled.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/24/2005 10:54:00 PM 5 comments

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Just Give My Ass A Minute To Catch Up To the Rest Of Me

After much thought, I've decided that one night of bellydancing a week isn't going to diminish my epic ass. In that spirit, I followed the example of my best friend Elsa (industrious soul), and went for a jog last night.

Let's be clear here. I am not, nor have I ever been, an avid runner. I get really red. You other honky ladies know what I'm talking about. Redness that slithers up your neck during any physical activity, making you look like a huffing, pink manatee. Most attractive.

I jogged (or attempted to jog) FOUR MILES yesterday, and the only thing that kept me moving was sheer, unmitigated shame. Not wanting anyone to witness my redness, I had to keep moving because somehow, people were suddenly everywhere. Someone handed out flyers or something, because the entire city of Pittsburgh had come out to enjoy Plum's Puffy Pink Manatee Circus.





I had headphones on as well, so God only knows what kind of respiratory burlesque show I put on for my public. My gasping must've sounded really sexy though, since people were doing the I'm-not-really-staring-at-you-cause-Mama-taught-me-not-to-look-circus-freaks-in-the-eye-but-I'm-still-kinda-staring-at-you-cause-you're-panting-like-a-great-dane look. Boy, I'm cool.

After all that fun, my ass is killing me today. Which sucks,

because as I mentioned above, it's epic.
_________________________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Buffaloberry

Dude, it was as close as I could get to a manatee. Cut me some slack.

"shrub is evergreen. Inconspicuous March-June yellow flowers give way to 3/8 inch gray edible, juicy fruits important to wildlife"

Maybe we can grow buffaloberry flowers in Pittsburgh. Cause Spring hasn't done a damn thing here. Learn more about the buffaloberry, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/23/2005 07:39:00 PM 15 comments

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Behind The Camera: Mork and Mindy

Oh crap. Behind the Camera: Mork and Mindy. What?

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/22/2005 10:18:00 PM 4 comments

Monday, March 21, 2005

Gay Sheep and Heroin Bags

Some journalistic pieces just reach out and grab ya. Abra, abra, cadabra. But articles containing the words 'Beaver Lineman Caught With Stolen Sheep' demand special attention. Apparently, a drunken Oregon State football lineman was recently caught stealing a genetically engineered gay sheep. Now, I love Oregon State and all God's gay creatures, but this means a Beaver stole a gay sheep. Hee. Props to Mateo for finding this in the 'Sports' section.

Also, there have been several emails regarding my recent pic of the Mexican food my Mom shipped:
Comida
Some of you have met Mama Spurious, and though she may seem like a Columbian drug lord, she unfortunately isn't. It'd be awesome if she was, though. Let's address this in the easiest possible way. With pictures!

This is heroin:
heroin


This is masa:
masa


This is what you use heroin for:
bad stuff


This is what you use masa for:
tamales

tortillas


This is your brain on heroin:
sad brain


This is your brain on masa:
happpy brain

Any questions?
________________________________
*Images courtesy of me, BBC.org, coloradoluis.typepad.com, heroin-addiction.ca, mexconnect.com, pecosvalley.com, asrt.org and theimaginaryworld.com, respectively.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/21/2005 10:18:00 AM 12 comments

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Calling All Arty People

I didn't post yesterday because I was drinking. Meaning I'm hungover now. I'm going to use a cop-out, but it's a cool cop-out, so keep the freakoutery to a minimum.

Can you draw? Even if you can't, check out Illustration Friday. See? Each week the lovely Penelope susses out a topic (she takes suggestions if you've got 'em) and then anyone can draw their representation of the subject at hand. They've got an art forum for creative questions and everything. And it's on Friday, which means that since today is Saturday, I've given you enough lead time to participate. DO IT!

I can't draw to save my ass, so I just go to drool. Check it out!
_______________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Velvet Apple

No. I'm not fucking with you. There IS a velvet apple. And it smells.

"Some people find the odor unpleasant, similar to that of strong cheese, but the pulp has pleasant tase...The fruit is usually eaten fresh, complete with skin, after the hairy covering is rubbed off. "

Sounds like a bad date. Learn more about the skanky cheesiness of the Velvet Apple, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/19/2005 06:45:00 PM 1 comments

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Self Portrait Day - Bad Hair

Thanks to Home Detention Lady I found out there's a theme for today's Self Portrait Day - bad hair.

Now, I have big hair to begin with. I don't do anything to make it big, it's just naturally huge. I've tried several things to make it not big, but as soon as my hair is deprived of the care and feeding of those nice salon people, nothing works. Gels, sprays, clips and blowdriers just make it angry, and then it acts like a pissed volcano god for the rest of the day, swallowing up cars and small land masses. Nobody wants that. So I pretty much rock the ponytail on a daily basis in the hopes my honkey fro won't hurt anyone, or incur further property damage.

One of my hair history highlights occured during my college stint in student teaching (Those who can, teach. Those who can't, quit the teaching program). During a visit to a 2nd grade class, one of my charges showed me a picture she'd drawn depicting two people holding hands beneath a rainbow.

2nd grader (screaming): "Look what I drew Miss Amanda!

Me: "Wow, this looks great! Tell me about it." ***NEVER ask a kid what they've drawn. They think you're a total moron for not seeing the completely obvious.***

2nd Grader: "Well, here's ME," she pointed at a smiley person, "and there's YOU Miss Amanda!"

Me: "Why do I have a giant yellow triangle on my head?"

2nd Grader: "That's your big, pretty, yellow hair!"

Me (smiling and trying not to look like all my worst, hairy fears have been confirmed ): "Thanks..."

After being thusly alerted about the yellow, hairy, 50 foot pyramid stapled to my scalp, I chopped it off (badly), leaving my then-boyfriend scrambling for an answer to the 'what do you think of my new haircut' question. He looked like he was about to cry.

My picture hosting's crap right now, but here's an approximation of the original fro:

Bigass hair
*courtesy of Franklarosa.com

Oh, yes. I DO look that sexy in real life.

"Big, pretty, yellow hair"...Ha! From the mouths of babes, my ass.

P.S. Don't think I don't like kids. That 2nd grader was cute. She just called me out.
_______________________________________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Ugli Fruit

In light of todays vanity posting, I give you: the ugli fruit!

"Discovered growing wild in Jamaica over 70 years ago and has been developed by the family of the owners of Trout Hall Ltd. into the commercial variety now in production in Jamaica. Its parentage combines the best characteristics of the tangerine, grapefruit and seville orange."

Did you know that 'ugli' is trademarked by a fruit distribution company? Learn more about the ugli fruit being a total sellout, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/17/2005 04:26:00 PM 9 comments

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Gee, Thanks! + Mexican Food

People were really nice to me today! Many, many thanks to Clobber and Echrai for featuring my little blog as a destination to their readers. What a cool surprise! Clobber even created a beautiful plum image as a bonus. Goodness, you two know how to make a sneaky fruit feel special!

In addition to all this undeserved attention, Mateo and I recieved the gift of massive amounts of Mexican food!


No, those aren't industrial size mustard containers. Well, they are, but salsa's inside! Mom and Dad Spurious (my parents) know Mateo and I miss Mexican food a bunch, and wanted to ship it safely so it wouldn't explode and make us cry. They asked a local sandwich place to save some condiment containers to safely transport our precious, spicy cargo. The sandwich place obliged (thanks, Busy Bee Sandwiches!), and Mom and Dad Spurious sent 2 gallons of tasty salsa and lots of masa (in the little bags) so I can make GOOD tortillas. Our very own personal Cornucopia de Comida Mexicana. Blessed be.

Nice people and tasty food. What a good day!
____________________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Canteloupe

"What we call 'cantaloupe' in the U.S., is actually a muskmelon. The true cantaloupe is a European melon named after a castle’s gardens in Italy. The cantaloupe was supposedly named for Cantalou, a former Papal garden near Rome, where the variety was developed."

Dude! We could've been calling it a 'muskmelon'? That's WAY cooler than 'canteloupe'. I'll ask for muskmelons at the maket and see what happens...Learn more about the canteloupe, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/16/2005 10:43:00 PM 11 comments

And Now, A Word From Mateo

"The picture you posted of the librarian chick jumping over the book cart makes my balls hurt."

Classy, Matthew.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/16/2005 07:36:00 PM 2 comments

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Librarian Drill Team - Jump Beeyatch!

Just to bring you up to speed, my lovely husband Mateo is a librarian. As such, he recieves various librarian-esque publications which he leaves strewn on every available surface of our home. The following was a full page ad, taken out in the American Library Association 2005 Preliminary Conference Program (which was left on our bathroom counter):



The Book Cart Drill Team World Championship? Stay with me here. If they’re having a championship competition, that means there’s more than one book cart drill team.

THAT'S SO HOT!

This brings up a whole slew of unsnswered questions:

Do the teams have cool names like, 'Carts of Darkness', and 'Through the Booking Glass'?

Are there different styles, like Jazz vs. Techno?

Do all of them use New Order songs, like regular drill teams?

My God, the mind boggles...Can you imagine a huge posse of librarians hurtling over book carts and getting all Cirque Du Soleil and shit? I mean, wow! It makes you wanna crap your pants!

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/15/2005 10:35:00 PM 14 comments

Monday, March 14, 2005

Bootyquake - 2005

I've been hating a little too much on Pittsburgh, and swimming in the pool of my own self-pity is cold this time of year. So in an effort to try something new and different, I went to my very first bellydancing class at a friend's urging. I figured if nothing else, a tale containing the words "Pittsburgh" and "bellydancing" would be fun to whip out during future cocktail parties. Cause I go to tons of those.

The class was held in this big, old, freaky Pittsburgh mansion, with one floor dedicated exclusively to the study of bellydancing. How does that even happen? I want to live in a mansion! If I promise to spend my days teaching folks my skills (eating goldfish crackers and drinking diet coke), can I have a whole floor of the manse, too? You don't have to answer now. Just think about it and let me know.

At one point in the evening, we were supposed to be gracefully curling and waving our arms. Most people looked nice, but I kept thinking I looked like a windmill, or one of those monkeys from that 'Barrel of Monkeys' game:


* courtesy of Playtown-Toys.com

Immediately after I think this, our instructor says, "Everyone, just imagine you're one of those monkeys from that 'Barrel of Monkeys' game. It's easy!" Making me me laugh so hard, I lost track of where my butt was. And hey, that doesn't happen very often....

The class was actually really fun, and FYI, bellydancing's harder than it looks. My butt totally hurts, so it must've done some good. It was a cool experience, and I'm planning on going back next week. It's $10 a class, but having someone tell me once a week that I'm "really good at shaking it" is completely worth $10.

Oh, yes it is.
______________________________________
Random Fruit Facts - The Tamarind
*Courtesy of a nice lady named Monique who emailed me about the healthy properties of tamarinds . Thanks Monique!

"Scientific investigations have shown that tamarind and raw mango contain some proteins and glycolipids that bind with fluoride and thus protect us from fluoride poisoning."

Learn more about the mighty tamarind, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/14/2005 10:10:00 PM 8 comments

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Damn Old Movie Night - In A Lonely Place



*pic courtesy of atozee.com

My head is still full-o-gack, so I'll probably butcher my Damn Old review-y thing, but I'll take a crack at it.

This movie's LA noir-iffic. A suspiciously emotionless screenwriter (Humphrey Bogart) gets accused of murder, and is loved/suspected by his smoking-hot neighbor (Gloria Grahame). Humphrey Bogart spends the whole movie toeing the line between intriguing and frightening, hearkening back to his days as the thuggy character actor of his early film career. The film realistically explains and exposes the the connections between the good and bad sides of a 'passionate man'. Heady stuff.

In addition to being a great movie, 'In A Lonely Place' made me wicked homesick. Most of the movie takes place in a spanish courtyrd syle apartment complex, an architectural phenomenon not seen much of outside of Cali. The DVD extras had footage showing the original location in its current colorful state, and I almost ran out to the car and drove home to California.

Goddamn you, Pittsburgh. If you sucked a little less, I wouldn't be so freakin' moody.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/13/2005 08:16:00 AM 5 comments

Friday, March 11, 2005

Fuck Winter! Fuck Winter Right In The Ear!

So it's been kind of cold,

for about 6 MONTHS.

And I was sort of wondering,


When Winter would deign to GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE?!?!?



Ol Man Winter is pissing me off. Look what he's doing to Mateo:


Fuck Winter.
____________________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Snow Pea

I know it's a veggie. But suprise! I've got snow on the brain...

"The fact that this legume is entirely edible — including the pod — accounts for its French name, mange-tout, or "eat it all." Its almost translucent, bright green pod is thin and crisp. The tiny seeds inside are tender and sweet."

Snow peas= good and tasty. Snow=bad and cold. Learn more about snow peas, here.
*************************************
Blogger is playing head games with the comments section, so feel free to email me at:
spuriousplum @ gmail . com

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/11/2005 07:35:00 AM 13 comments

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Self Portrait Thursday Of My Finger - OR - How Me and Jose Cuervo Trashed My Wedding Ring

For those of you who haven't picked up on the identity of this 'Mateo' fellow I can't shut up about, I'm married to him. That's right gentlemen, zip up those pants, cause I'm off the market. Mr. Mateo gave me a sparkly, pretty ring at our wedding and I'm rather partial to it. I'm rather partial to him, too.

I can't show you a picture of my beautiful bauble of marital bliss because 'something' happened to it right before we got our digital camera.

While attending a badass party, I got a little drunk. Fine, I was stinko. In the wee hours of the morning, I made a Cuervo & Diet Coke (yum) and found the clink of my ring on the tequila bottle quite pleasant. Somehow (I'm not sure of the details) I wound up on the sunporch belting out a gospel-inspired song about how I had a 'fever for tequila', while slapping the tequila bottle into my palm/ring for a clinky, percussive sound. A good time was had by me, and several other bewildered people.

Next morning I woke at an ungodly hour, shuffled downstairs for my hangover cure (more Diet Coke) and flopped on our crappy green couch. Sometime during Teen Titans, I looked at my hand and almost had a heart attack. I had totally flattened one side of my ring and had lost a diamond, leaving a gaping 1/3 carat hole. Completely horrified.

Matt had bought me another pretty ring for my birthday a while ago.

He put that one on my ring finger, and it'll stay there as a beacon of my unavailability until the jeweler finishes fixing it up. She was dying to know what I had done to it.
______________________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Loganberry

Mateo likes to eat crepes with loganberry jam .

Learn more about loganberries, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/10/2005 07:57:00 PM 1 comments

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

A Windshield Statement From The Gracious People Of Pittsburgh, Found On Our Legally Parked Car:



We are treated like gods here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/09/2005 06:13:00 PM 11 comments

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

How I'm Spending My Beer Money- Christina Seashore

Starting to feel human again. Today I went back to work too soon, since my job lumps sick days and vacation days together as 'paid time off'. Can't afford any more disease days, since I wanna go for an LA visit soon. Medicine Prophet Abraham Wheeler has spoken, saying that he's had my cold and that I'll be coughing for the next 3 weeks.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Prophet Pants.

All gentlemen, please excuse me, I'm going to have a girl moment.

I hate purses.

I know that makes me un-American. A traitor to my gender, if you will. I always leave bags in a crap-ass beer puddle at someone's house party, resulting in a reverse walk-o-shame the next day to retrieve my drivers license. I've left purses on benches, in amusement parks, and in men's restrooms (I HAD to go). But here's one I'll actually use. Hooray!

To the front, to the front


To the back, to the back,

Now dip, Baby, dip!


Made by the ridiculously talented Christina Seashore, my new bag goes extremely well with jeans. This is vital, as I'll be wearing jeans every blessed day if I have any say in the matter. Christina's website is full all kinds of handsewn goodness. She's one dedicated queen too, finishing my bag in the face of a nasty flu bug...

I can relate.
___________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Cheremoya

Some people hate on the cheremoya,

"All I can remember is that it tasted kind of like Hawaiian Punch-flavored mucus mixed with sand."

But I still love Mr. Cheremoya, even if he tastes like fruity snot. Learn almost nothing about the cheremoya, but have a good fruit laugh, here.
p

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/08/2005 07:59:00 PM 4 comments

Monday, March 07, 2005

Name That Flava

Still feeling really bad, but thanks to everyone for the get-well wishes!

Based on the cold remedy ideas in the comments yesterday, I'd like to put a question to all the peeps. Gimme your best shot for a Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream flavor containing Whiskey, Theraflu and Lemon. You can draw your own conclusions of what it would taste like.

I'm leaning towards ASS.
__________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Ugli Fruit

"They are said to combine the best qualities of tangerines, grapefruit and Seville oranges. Children love the taste and their intriguing name"

Who'd have thunk? Cause it ain't pretty people. Check out the Ugli and find out why its Mama dresses it funny, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/07/2005 07:27:00 PM 2 comments

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Urrrgh

Still furiously ill.

If you need something to look at while I hack up a lung, check out my new favorite website where they publish random crap people hear in NYC. http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

Hooray.

Urrrgh. Cold remedies anyone?

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/06/2005 02:49:00 AM 7 comments

Friday, March 04, 2005

I'm Not A Meme-y Person

I don't know the protocol for meme's. I'm not sure I like them, so I'm consequently inclined to be suspicious. All I know is, I'm so sick I look like death eating crackers, but I want to post something. Courtesy of Tranism.

Step 1) Pick a band or singer
Step 2) Answer questions using only song titles from that singer
Step 3) Post

Band of choice: Grant Lee Buffalo

Are you male or female?: "Come to Mama, She Say"
Describe yourself: "Fuzzy"
How do some people feel about you?: "My, My, My"
How do you feel about yourself?: "You Just Have To Be Crazy, Don't You"
Describe your worst ex: "The Shallow End"
Describe your current significant other: "Happiness"
Describe what you want to be: "Jubilee"
Describe your current mood: "SuperSloMotion"
Describe your friends: "Wish You Well"
Share a few words of wisdom: "Everybody Needs A Little Sanctuary"

Hopefully this is OK. Stupid meme-etiquette has me all paranoid. Or maybe its the cold meds.
________________________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Gooseberry

"The origin of the English name for this fruit is hazy. One belief is that the name was given to it because it is frequently served with goose. A more likely origin is that it is a corruption of the Dutch name, "kruisbes", which means "cross-berry."

Maybe the gooseberry's cross because it's sick too. Learn more about goosebizzle my nizzle, here.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/04/2005 10:40:00 AM 4 comments

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Meet Me Under The Champurrado Sign



That's right, I'm a big cuppa chocolate and cornmeal. Drink me!

Happy Self Portrait Thursday! (Not really a self portrait, but in light of all the spicy food discussion...Plus, I like champurrado.)

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/03/2005 07:32:00 PM 3 comments

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

How I'm Spending My Beer Money - Gracie Sparkles

I have to show this off! Courtesy of the talented Grace at Gracie Sparkles, I give you the best photo album EVER:



Combining some of my favorite things, it's green, black and shiny. Look, it even has our names on it:


Grace is a talented lady. I'm an idiot, but she never made me feel dorky for lacking craft know-how or wanting something custom made. She even fixed the binding so I can stick as much crap in there as I want. Plus, look at her website...obviously she's the shiz! This will not be the last time I order something from her.

No more shall my pictures languish in a shoebox labeled "Party 2001". Thank you Grace!
_________________________
Random Fruit Fact: The Lime

Limes are good on everything. On food, in drinks, everything. But only Mexican limes. And that's today's fact.

Posted by Spurious Nurse at 3/01/2005 09:47:00 PM 2 comments